What is it in us that craves a fresh start?
\nPerhaps it is our curiosity,
\nthat impulse so embraced by children–
\nchoice-less in the youthful mind
\ndulled by boredom and accumulation.<\/p>\n
What is it in us that craves a fresh start?<\/p>\n
Perhaps it is our wisdom,
\nknowing we are already new.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
We think of each other as something solid.<\/p>\n
He\u00a0watched her through many shifting shades of light, lipstick, mood.
\nHe studied her form until he thought he had memorized every contour, could predict the ways she would bend, would move.
\nHe noted the minutiae of her gestures, and glances.
\nThese details were not independent of his desire. \u00a0These details were not independent of her desire. \u00a0They were just details.
\nHe felt he could piece them together this way. \u00a0Capture her.<\/p>\n
He did all this to imprint her likeness upon his mind,
\nas though her likeness were one thing, and one thing only.
\nAs though there were a way to get it right, get it complete, have the whole picture.
\nAs though there were a whole picture to posses.<\/p>\n
He drew her line by line. \u00a0He described her in words he knew she would like, because this portrait wasn’t just for him; it was from him as well.
\nIt was a gift he could give her, a mirror so she could see a little more of what he saw.
\nAs though she hadn’t already changed
\nthe moment he dropped his gaze.<\/p>\n
Here.
\nThis is the part that craves a fresh start.
\nThis desire to be seen.<\/p>\n
She had always wanted to be caught. \u00a0As a small girl she would set up her catwalk. Pretty and preening, and purring, and prowling. \u00a0No one told her to do it, no one was watching then.
\nBut she pulled out her fanciest shorts and little crop top. \u00a0The ones with the black lace trim. \u00a0She set it up, so she could be seen, the light streaming in the windows. \u00a0Practicing. \u00a0Practicing in front of an empty room.<\/p>\n
Over twenty years later, she still makes her slinky way across the stage, she still preens and purrs. \u00a0But now she is seen, she is watched.
\nShe wants you to see every detail.<\/p>\n
This desire is intuitive.\u00a0 We want to be recognized,
\nforgetting that we are all one expression of the same radiant intelligence.
\nThis desire to be seen is not separate from the desire to see.
\nAwake, we are seen completely.\u00a0 And who is the audience. \u00a0Who is the witness?<\/p>\n
The earth is my witness.<\/p>\n
I want to press my forehead to yours, looking so deeply into your eyes, they blur into a single orb, your eyes mirroring my eyes, mirroring what is.<\/p>\n
It is a lie that I can keep some part back, some part private, some part untouchable.
\nIt is a lie that I can hide anything at all.<\/p>\n
Perhaps this is why we so crave a fresh start.
\nThese habits grow tiresome. \u00a0Lies are boring, and the negativity is terminal.
\nShe cracks his with a smile.<\/p>\n
Every time she smiles for him, the lines deepen. \u00a0Her face grows less young.
\nEvery time she smiles, there is the reminder at the corners of her mouth that she is
\nsomehow both less and more than before.<\/p>\n
I want to show you something new. \u00a0 I want to show you
\nhow I\u2019ve changed since you last looked away.
\nWatch me again, again! \u00a0Watch me do it again, watch me do it better this time.
\nWatch me. \u00a0Watch me.
\nSays the child.<\/p>\n
She loved this attention, her flame seeming to grow brighter with it.
\nIt did not grow brighter, though; it only seemed to grow brighter.
\nWatch me again, she says,
\nShe means<\/p>\n
I need you. \u00a0I need you, just as you need me. \u00a0We need one another.\u00a0 We need to remember what it is like to be the same.<\/p>\n
Yet when he showed her the likeness, held it up for her to see, to feel as he felt it, she became<\/p>\n
She fumbled a moment.
\nShe said, let’s begin again.\u00a0 I want to be new.\u00a0 Capture me, again.\u00a0\u00a0 See me.\u00a0 Capture me again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
What is it in us that craves a fresh start? Perhaps it is our curiosity, that impulse so embraced by children– choice-less in the youthful mind dulled by boredom and accumulation. What is it in us that craves a fresh start? Perhaps it is our wisdom, knowing we are already new. *** We think of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-159","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.sterlingslyce.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/159","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.sterlingslyce.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.sterlingslyce.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.sterlingslyce.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.sterlingslyce.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=159"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.sterlingslyce.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/159\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":160,"href":"http:\/\/www.sterlingslyce.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/159\/revisions\/160"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.sterlingslyce.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=159"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.sterlingslyce.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=159"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.sterlingslyce.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=159"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}